There's nothing quite like getting home from work and checking the mail to see what awesomeness the post office brought you today. Well, I canme home from work, and opened the envelope that was in the mail, and was completely baffled at the following words:
"We've noticed that you have yet to register with us..." Yadda, yadda, yadda. Now, OK, it's obviously a sales technique, and I'm ok with that. I mean, I'm GLAD they're paying attention to the fact that I've not registered with them, that's all well and good. It makes me wonder, though, at the records-keeping/getting that this company uses, and just how it is they've managed to get my name. Oh, I'm sure there's a list out there somewhere that gets sold around and around, and my name's on it. That's great - but generally speaking, if I want a product, I'll look into purchasing said product and then take care of such things on my own. I don't really want people mailing me to tell me what I already know I haven't done, or worse, that I haven't purchased something I already know I don't really want to purchase.
But that's where this turns a little funny. See, the people telling me that I've not registered with them? AARP! Yes, the American Association of Retired Persons is very aware that I am not one of them! I am SO glad they've figured this out! Now, maybe - just maybe - this would be forgiveable if I was of the age where a membership in the AARP would be useful. I mean, if I was 55 and could actually GET benefits through the AARP, ok, I might be interested in buying....but they're juuuuuuuust a few years early on this - like 20 or so years. Really, AARP? I don't know how much you spent on this mailing and free offer of whatever sort (honestly, I stopped reading after about two sentences) but I'm pretty sure that it was some retiree's cash that helped pay for it. If you're going to spend someone else's money on stuff like this, shouldn't you at least do a better job of finding people who actually qualify for the product you're selling?
I was briefly tempted to send them back a letter that read something like this:
"Dear AARP -
Thank you so much for your invitation to join your fraternity - I didn't even know you were considering me! I am truly honored to be given the chance to wear your letters, and can't wait to begin receiving the benefits of membership immediately upon paying my dues. Obviously, since you contacted me, you understand the benefits I can bring to your organization, and therefore, I feel I should be rightly compensated immediately upon my acceptance of your gracious invite. Among the many things I can't wait to participate in:
Senior Day at Denny's
discounts on travel
no more paying income taxes
knowing the greeters at Wal-Mart by name
no more commuting
There are really so many, I just don't know if I can count them all. And, I get admitted early to your fraternity - you must really think me extra-special. Thank you! I really look forward to the Saturday night keggers!
Regards,
The Fat Kid
P.S. - I just filled out my retirement papers from work!!!"
I wonder what they would say? Moreover, I wonder how many people my age would send this back in and attempt to scam the system - it IS awfully tempting, after all. Of course, my better nature prevailed this time, and I didn't send it back, nor did I write such a letter. I will probably look them up online and tell them what a bunch of crack-pot researchers they have, to get my name on their list. Really, it shouldn't be that hard to figure out that I don't really fit in with the retired persons crowd.
But in case I didn't feel old, yesterday, while running through the rain attempting to dodge the raindrops, I pulled that little tiny muscle in the back of the calf that basically means I won't be able to push off the ground with my toes for two weeks. Maybe I ought to re-think that application after all!
Thanks for reading,
The Fat Kid
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Thursday, February 21, 2013
The Agony and the Ecstacy...
The year was 1965, and Rex Harrison and Charleton Heston (Pre NRA-Spokesman days) were on the screen together in "The Agony and the Ecstacy." I don't suppose many people my age remember or have seen this film - or if they have, they remember it as, "one of my parents' ideas of good film - before Die Hard came out" - but it is a classic. The story is about the trials of Michaelangelo (Heston) as he painted the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel at the urging of Pope Julius II (Harrison). One line has always stuck with me from this film:
Pope Julius II: "When will you make an end of it?"
Michaelangelo: "When I am finished."
I SHOULD remember this exchange - as they keep saying it over and over, but the point here really isn;t about my fantastic ability to memorize lines that were repeated several times over in movies made well before I was born.
No, the point is, even in the off-season of cycling, the work is never done. You have to keep going, keep riding, keep stretching, keep thinking, keep doing. You can't really let up. If you want to race, there really is no off-season at all, there's simply "training season" and "racing season." I know what you're thinking:
Yeah, it's tempting to be like Elmer Fudd and just give up. Oh, so tempting. Luckily, the Fat Kid, co-founder of Masochism Central Industries, Inc. has JUST THE THING to keep you going: Initiate the P90X lifestyle!!!!!
The idea behind doing this, of course, is to become the Kid formally known as "fat." And, it might just work. If not, I will develop new thresholds of pain tolerance that will enable me to get back on the bike and push myself harder than ever before, and no longer care about the feelings of intense agony my body is telling me that it is experiencing. How do I know this? Well, day one was basically an hour of rowing, pull-ups, and pushups....on arms that haven't done those sorts of things in a very long while. Day two was an hour of plyometrics - or, the art of making muscles jump that are not supposed to do these things. Day Three...I have no odea what it was - frankly, I'm glad I don't have that DVD, because I might have exploded...or imploded...but I rested instead, to get ready for day 4, which will be an hour of yoga tonight.
Wait, yoga? Yep, Yoga. Not this guy:
or this guy.....
but something more like THIS guy!
(No, seriously, this guy's pretty good - but I haven't bent that way since I was three years old))
At any rate, because this is P90X - just yoga isn't good enough. No, it's time for fast-paced, super-yoga-fighting-force-extreme-troopers-with-roid-rage-on-caffeine....yeah, that type of yoga. Which means one basic thing: Tomorrow, I will be in pain, I'm sure. Either that, or I am going to be the most relaxed person on the face of the earth, for I will have worked everything out of my system. I'm voting for the former of those options, if the past couple of days have been any indication.
Now, here's where it gets odd (I know, it's already too late...): I can't wait!!!!! Yes, it's tough, and yes, I have a hard time keeping up. Yes, it's only been a couple of days of pain and I already hate the S.O.B. in charge of these workouts. But I want more. Why?
Because- I cannot make an end of it until I am finished.
Thanks for reading,
The Fat Kid
Pope Julius II: "When will you make an end of it?"
Michaelangelo: "When I am finished."
I SHOULD remember this exchange - as they keep saying it over and over, but the point here really isn;t about my fantastic ability to memorize lines that were repeated several times over in movies made well before I was born.
No, the point is, even in the off-season of cycling, the work is never done. You have to keep going, keep riding, keep stretching, keep thinking, keep doing. You can't really let up. If you want to race, there really is no off-season at all, there's simply "training season" and "racing season." I know what you're thinking:
Yeah, it's tempting to be like Elmer Fudd and just give up. Oh, so tempting. Luckily, the Fat Kid, co-founder of Masochism Central Industries, Inc. has JUST THE THING to keep you going: Initiate the P90X lifestyle!!!!!
The idea behind doing this, of course, is to become the Kid formally known as "fat." And, it might just work. If not, I will develop new thresholds of pain tolerance that will enable me to get back on the bike and push myself harder than ever before, and no longer care about the feelings of intense agony my body is telling me that it is experiencing. How do I know this? Well, day one was basically an hour of rowing, pull-ups, and pushups....on arms that haven't done those sorts of things in a very long while. Day two was an hour of plyometrics - or, the art of making muscles jump that are not supposed to do these things. Day Three...I have no odea what it was - frankly, I'm glad I don't have that DVD, because I might have exploded...or imploded...but I rested instead, to get ready for day 4, which will be an hour of yoga tonight.
Wait, yoga? Yep, Yoga. Not this guy:
or this guy.....
but something more like THIS guy!
(No, seriously, this guy's pretty good - but I haven't bent that way since I was three years old))
At any rate, because this is P90X - just yoga isn't good enough. No, it's time for fast-paced, super-yoga-fighting-force-extreme-troopers-with-roid-rage-on-caffeine....yeah, that type of yoga. Which means one basic thing: Tomorrow, I will be in pain, I'm sure. Either that, or I am going to be the most relaxed person on the face of the earth, for I will have worked everything out of my system. I'm voting for the former of those options, if the past couple of days have been any indication.
Now, here's where it gets odd (I know, it's already too late...): I can't wait!!!!! Yes, it's tough, and yes, I have a hard time keeping up. Yes, it's only been a couple of days of pain and I already hate the S.O.B. in charge of these workouts. But I want more. Why?
Because- I cannot make an end of it until I am finished.
Thanks for reading,
The Fat Kid
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Vacation
I was looking out today at the house across the street. I live on the side of a hill, on the uphill side of the street, so as I look out from my house, I can see the roofs of the houses on the other side. Confused yet? It’s Pittsburgh, we’re hilly, and everyone has their house built in either the valleys or on the sides of hills. Suffice it to say, the house across the street is a little further down the hill than my own. In particular, I was thinking about what it must be like to live in that house, where you would have to park your car uphill from the house on a parking pad, and then walk down towards the house itself. I was thinking of how odd it was, and how I’ve had to do something like that before.
I was taken back to a small corner of the Adirondack State Park in upper New York. There, in the heart of Lewis County, sits a small lake, and an even smaller town, called Brantingham. I don’t know how many people reside in the town, but the last time I was there, the town consisted of a volunteer fire department, a bar, an ice cream shack with mini golf attached, a post office, and a fish/game club. Yep. That’s downtown Brantingham. It’s the sort of place where you literally can miss it if you blink. Not far from this booming metropolis is a lake, which was the entire tax base for Lewis County, the last I knew about it. Brantingham Lake was where my family would rent a cabin for a week in the summertime. We spent that week swimming, fishing, playing cards, listening to music, sunning on the small beach, riding bikes, and playing horseshoes. There was no TV or phone, and the only radios were whatever we brought with us. Yep, it was, by modern terms, slow.
I remembered loading and unloading the car in particular. See, the cabin we rented was on a pretty steep slope, and we couldn’t park the car next to it. We had to park above the cabin and walk down to it, all out luggage in tow, about 60 feet. It really wasn’t that far of a walk, and it certainly wasn’t difficult. For the most part, it wasn’t even that much of a slope we had to traverse. That was when I thought of something I have not thought of in I can’t recall how many years: The Orange Cooler (insert over-dramatic music here). I know not how old this thing was, or from what year, but I’m guessing it was the brainchild of the late 1970s and a bad acid trip….on steroids. This was a simple molded styrofoam cooler, but it wasn’t like those cheap $1 items you can find today at any old convenience store. No, this was classy. This thing was a cube, to start. I don’t remember if it had handles molded into it or not – it might have. The top simply lifted off , but it was actually a tight fit to get it on in the first place. The color was – creamsicle. Yeah, I know, it sounds like my memory is shaky here, but I tell you, it seriously was the same color as a creamsicle. I think it was the ugliest hue of orange I’ve ever seen. Oh, and through years of use, it was also dirty. In fact, I cannot recall a time when that thing might have ever even resembled “clean” on the outside. The inside never saw light, so it was a brighter shade of orange and it was cleaner thn anything, since all it really ever had in it was some well-wrapped food and ice.
Oh, that cooler was with us for many a year, and many a trip to the lake. The lake where we had to park on the hill above the cabin. Like the neighbor’s house across the street from where I live today. Sometimes, I think I’d like to go back there, and see how the place has changed, but I know better. It hasn’t. It’s not the sort of place that changes – it’s the sort of place that changes you, stays with you, becomes a part of who you are, and comes rushing into your thoughts, unbidden but just as potent as before.
Thanks for reading,
The Fat Kid
I was taken back to a small corner of the Adirondack State Park in upper New York. There, in the heart of Lewis County, sits a small lake, and an even smaller town, called Brantingham. I don’t know how many people reside in the town, but the last time I was there, the town consisted of a volunteer fire department, a bar, an ice cream shack with mini golf attached, a post office, and a fish/game club. Yep. That’s downtown Brantingham. It’s the sort of place where you literally can miss it if you blink. Not far from this booming metropolis is a lake, which was the entire tax base for Lewis County, the last I knew about it. Brantingham Lake was where my family would rent a cabin for a week in the summertime. We spent that week swimming, fishing, playing cards, listening to music, sunning on the small beach, riding bikes, and playing horseshoes. There was no TV or phone, and the only radios were whatever we brought with us. Yep, it was, by modern terms, slow.
I remembered loading and unloading the car in particular. See, the cabin we rented was on a pretty steep slope, and we couldn’t park the car next to it. We had to park above the cabin and walk down to it, all out luggage in tow, about 60 feet. It really wasn’t that far of a walk, and it certainly wasn’t difficult. For the most part, it wasn’t even that much of a slope we had to traverse. That was when I thought of something I have not thought of in I can’t recall how many years: The Orange Cooler (insert over-dramatic music here). I know not how old this thing was, or from what year, but I’m guessing it was the brainchild of the late 1970s and a bad acid trip….on steroids. This was a simple molded styrofoam cooler, but it wasn’t like those cheap $1 items you can find today at any old convenience store. No, this was classy. This thing was a cube, to start. I don’t remember if it had handles molded into it or not – it might have. The top simply lifted off , but it was actually a tight fit to get it on in the first place. The color was – creamsicle. Yeah, I know, it sounds like my memory is shaky here, but I tell you, it seriously was the same color as a creamsicle. I think it was the ugliest hue of orange I’ve ever seen. Oh, and through years of use, it was also dirty. In fact, I cannot recall a time when that thing might have ever even resembled “clean” on the outside. The inside never saw light, so it was a brighter shade of orange and it was cleaner thn anything, since all it really ever had in it was some well-wrapped food and ice.
Oh, that cooler was with us for many a year, and many a trip to the lake. The lake where we had to park on the hill above the cabin. Like the neighbor’s house across the street from where I live today. Sometimes, I think I’d like to go back there, and see how the place has changed, but I know better. It hasn’t. It’s not the sort of place that changes – it’s the sort of place that changes you, stays with you, becomes a part of who you are, and comes rushing into your thoughts, unbidden but just as potent as before.
Thanks for reading,
The Fat Kid
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Off-Season spatterings of a caged mind...
Well, the Holiday Hangover is quite over, and it's been back to the grind for a little while now. The holiday workshop efforts were again successful, and now it's time to take stock and figure out the next things on the calendar.
One thing that must change, is that it's time again to start the off-season program of riding the bike on the trainer. Oh yes, that bain of all cyclists and fat kids: the dreaded trainer. Cycling indoors is no fun. It's a lot of work, and very little reward. It's not even like you can say you're putting actual miles on the bike. No, these are fake miles. Figments of the imagination only. And they suck. If you're lucky, you have a television in front of you. For the first time ever, that will be my case this year, and I will likely make it through most of my collection of films whilst on the trainer. Yeah, I need to put in some serious time.
So, the above being the case I was in, I began putting in some of that serious time. And wow, did it hurt. Oh no, it hurt worse than I expected, and THEN, I made an error. "It's just a little spasm in the lower back, a good ride on the bike should loosen that right up!" Oh, it loosened it, all right. And then, when getting off the bike, it tightened back up on me, to the point where it was nigh impossible to bend over and tie my shoes for about a week afterwards. Not good.
That was two weeks ago, and finally, my back is in the same condition that it was in when I went for that ride. And I want to ride again. And it's actually supposed to be about 60 degrees today. Honestly, if I trusted my back, I'd get outside! But I will behave. At least for one more day.
But there is a touch of sadness in my life, too. My favorite movie theatre just closed its doors for good the other day. I was never there often, but I liked it...mainly because it was showing every movie, every ticket, for just $1 a piece. Technically, that's incorrect - its was $0.99. Even better. But alas, the theatre closed it's doors, so no longer will I get to go and see all the movies I want when they are out of the main theatres for a price most of them are actually worth. Of course, it was an old theatre - no stadium seating, and there were stains on the carpet, and the seats were getting a little threadbare, etc - but it didn't smell, and for a buck per ticket, I'll deal with an old building, thank you!
So, as the year begins, I'm looking ahead to newer and better things, and hopefully, a little bit of fun times headed this way - though truthfully, after the last half of last year, I have no idea how it could be better than that.
And there you have your update on the things going on in the Fat Kid's life. Not all that much in the cold doldrums of winter, but ever-hopeful for the spring and warmer months.
Thanks for reading,
The Fat Kid.
One thing that must change, is that it's time again to start the off-season program of riding the bike on the trainer. Oh yes, that bain of all cyclists and fat kids: the dreaded trainer. Cycling indoors is no fun. It's a lot of work, and very little reward. It's not even like you can say you're putting actual miles on the bike. No, these are fake miles. Figments of the imagination only. And they suck. If you're lucky, you have a television in front of you. For the first time ever, that will be my case this year, and I will likely make it through most of my collection of films whilst on the trainer. Yeah, I need to put in some serious time.
So, the above being the case I was in, I began putting in some of that serious time. And wow, did it hurt. Oh no, it hurt worse than I expected, and THEN, I made an error. "It's just a little spasm in the lower back, a good ride on the bike should loosen that right up!" Oh, it loosened it, all right. And then, when getting off the bike, it tightened back up on me, to the point where it was nigh impossible to bend over and tie my shoes for about a week afterwards. Not good.
That was two weeks ago, and finally, my back is in the same condition that it was in when I went for that ride. And I want to ride again. And it's actually supposed to be about 60 degrees today. Honestly, if I trusted my back, I'd get outside! But I will behave. At least for one more day.
But there is a touch of sadness in my life, too. My favorite movie theatre just closed its doors for good the other day. I was never there often, but I liked it...mainly because it was showing every movie, every ticket, for just $1 a piece. Technically, that's incorrect - its was $0.99. Even better. But alas, the theatre closed it's doors, so no longer will I get to go and see all the movies I want when they are out of the main theatres for a price most of them are actually worth. Of course, it was an old theatre - no stadium seating, and there were stains on the carpet, and the seats were getting a little threadbare, etc - but it didn't smell, and for a buck per ticket, I'll deal with an old building, thank you!
So, as the year begins, I'm looking ahead to newer and better things, and hopefully, a little bit of fun times headed this way - though truthfully, after the last half of last year, I have no idea how it could be better than that.
And there you have your update on the things going on in the Fat Kid's life. Not all that much in the cold doldrums of winter, but ever-hopeful for the spring and warmer months.
Thanks for reading,
The Fat Kid.
Monday, December 17, 2012
2012, 5 days before the world ends...
OK, well, just in case those silly Mayans were right (predicting the end of the world, but not their own demise) I'm going to get my Christmas Greetings out to you all right now. That way, no matter what happens, I'm covered as for getting this social norm out of the way. Really, I'm not a Christmas card person. I don't send that many, if any of them. If I did, it would most likely include some bit of a form letter, and it would sound much like what you're reading right now. So, as much as I love the post office for their inspiring forays into Hollywood, I'm going for the elctronic delivery method. I hear all the cool kids are doing this.
It's hard to wrap my mind around the concept that another year has come and gone. In some ways, It seems longer, and in others, the time is all too fleeting. I feel a bit like Charles Dickens when I say it was the longest year and the shortest year, but there you have it. As it always does, the first half of my year went by pretty fast. Before I knew it, the nice weather was upon me, and I got that old familiar itch: it was time to ride. As in 2011, I likewise had my place in the 2012 MS 150: Escape to the Lake assured, and raised money for the two-day event in early June. More than anything, this means getting out and riding a lot. in 2011, this meant a lot of riding on my own, and while there was still plenty of that this year, I also got in touch with some other riders and went out on several occcasions with them. It's nice to extend my community of cycling friends to include those warriors for this event, and it's even more nice to realize that not only am I able to keep up with many of them....but in a lot of cases, it's them trying to keep up with me. I guess that the difference between casual riders and racers. Riders ride, racers go on rides and want to go faster.
My grandmother Mildred finished her mission in this life this summer. At 94 years old, it was a good life, a mission accomplished. At long last, she was reunited with my grandfather Joe. It was both joyous and sad- the family gathered because of a loss, but yet, the renewal of family bonds was what both Joe and Mildred would have wanted: just to know we were all ok.
Summer was spent doing the usual: camping, enjoying the outdoors, small vacations here and there. A discovery trip to a little town called Ohiopyle in SW PA was a blast, and I got to share this and a few other exploratory experiences with the best partner I could ask for. See, it was shortly after the MS 150 that I met someone, and since then, my life has been an abundance of beauty and joy that I previously dared not hope to find. With her, I have discovered the following:
Beauty in all things, including myself
Grace and compsure
patience and understanding
wisdom
strength
knowledge and kindness
and someone who makes me as much a part of her thoughts as I make her a part of mine.
In the last six months, I have done more living than I think I've done in the last couple years, and with every moment, it becomes more exhillerating, more clear to me, and more enjoyable. Even those not-so-great moments end up looking pretty good. Camping trips, meeting her family, sharing my family with her, traversing the culinary delights of different foods, beers, wines, liquors...these have filled my last six months.
But, it's that time of year when we look back and remember, both with fondness and regret, the lessons that life has taught us. As I look back, I find that this year, I would change nothing. Even the bad things that happened, I would keep. They have made this year full, exciting, and there were hidden joys in each moment that I would have otherwise missed.
Life is good.
So, my wish for all of you is that 2013 be for you a time of peace, where you find your mind, heart, and spirit filled with grace and joy. May you find your faith as only you can, and may your journey be fruitful. May you know love of family. May you know the love of a good man/woman (as befits your needs). May you wake each day to new opportunities to grow, and may you seek out opportunities to help others do the same.
Thanks for reading,
The Fat Kid
It's hard to wrap my mind around the concept that another year has come and gone. In some ways, It seems longer, and in others, the time is all too fleeting. I feel a bit like Charles Dickens when I say it was the longest year and the shortest year, but there you have it. As it always does, the first half of my year went by pretty fast. Before I knew it, the nice weather was upon me, and I got that old familiar itch: it was time to ride. As in 2011, I likewise had my place in the 2012 MS 150: Escape to the Lake assured, and raised money for the two-day event in early June. More than anything, this means getting out and riding a lot. in 2011, this meant a lot of riding on my own, and while there was still plenty of that this year, I also got in touch with some other riders and went out on several occcasions with them. It's nice to extend my community of cycling friends to include those warriors for this event, and it's even more nice to realize that not only am I able to keep up with many of them....but in a lot of cases, it's them trying to keep up with me. I guess that the difference between casual riders and racers. Riders ride, racers go on rides and want to go faster.
My grandmother Mildred finished her mission in this life this summer. At 94 years old, it was a good life, a mission accomplished. At long last, she was reunited with my grandfather Joe. It was both joyous and sad- the family gathered because of a loss, but yet, the renewal of family bonds was what both Joe and Mildred would have wanted: just to know we were all ok.
Summer was spent doing the usual: camping, enjoying the outdoors, small vacations here and there. A discovery trip to a little town called Ohiopyle in SW PA was a blast, and I got to share this and a few other exploratory experiences with the best partner I could ask for. See, it was shortly after the MS 150 that I met someone, and since then, my life has been an abundance of beauty and joy that I previously dared not hope to find. With her, I have discovered the following:
Beauty in all things, including myself
Grace and compsure
patience and understanding
wisdom
strength
knowledge and kindness
and someone who makes me as much a part of her thoughts as I make her a part of mine.
In the last six months, I have done more living than I think I've done in the last couple years, and with every moment, it becomes more exhillerating, more clear to me, and more enjoyable. Even those not-so-great moments end up looking pretty good. Camping trips, meeting her family, sharing my family with her, traversing the culinary delights of different foods, beers, wines, liquors...these have filled my last six months.
But, it's that time of year when we look back and remember, both with fondness and regret, the lessons that life has taught us. As I look back, I find that this year, I would change nothing. Even the bad things that happened, I would keep. They have made this year full, exciting, and there were hidden joys in each moment that I would have otherwise missed.
Life is good.
So, my wish for all of you is that 2013 be for you a time of peace, where you find your mind, heart, and spirit filled with grace and joy. May you find your faith as only you can, and may your journey be fruitful. May you know love of family. May you know the love of a good man/woman (as befits your needs). May you wake each day to new opportunities to grow, and may you seek out opportunities to help others do the same.
Thanks for reading,
The Fat Kid
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Of Libraries and Christmas Trees, and "Ben Stein"...
Hello, e-land, and Merry Christmas! That's right, I said it. No mere "Happy Holidays" from me, I said the dreaded words, "Merry Chrsitmas." You what? I like them. I'll say them again. MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
Life can be interesting and surprising to me, at times. Recently, I was in a conference for work, where the keynote speaker was talking about the next generation of library infrasrtucture. Naturally, in a topic so dry (unless you're a computer programmer) there was plenty of time to let your thoughts wander. As I looked around and watched the eyes of my compatriots glaze over, I was struck by what the speaker was talking about: cooperative efforts to get us all on the proverbial "same page."
I began to wonder where we are headed. I don't just mean if we're going to heaven or hell or anything like that - no, where is humanity going, as a species? We learn so much differently than we used to. In some ways, we are far more advanced than we used to be, and in others, I wonder if we've come very far at all - or if we have, at what cost has it come?
This is not a new argument. We've been asking it in one form or another since time began. The early scientists - or alchemists, if you prefer - were criticized for witchcraft, or later, devil-worship, and men who saw something different in the world, like Galileo and Copernicus, DaVinci and others, were commonly mocked, maltreated, and otherwise shunned and punished for simply not believing what everyone else believed. They were different. Only years - centuries - later, were they recognized for the gifts of thought they gave the world.
It's this attitude of discovery that has spurred us onward. It was responsible for colonialism (well, ok, the lust for gold MAY have had something to do with that as well) and it's still responsible today for the ever-growing desire to push forward into new and uncharted territory. So, the "what's next?" for man has been the driving desire for a long time. We're used to it. it's comfy. It ought to be - we've had long enough to get used to it.
But what has this done for Man as a whole? We still murder, cheat, lie, steal, gossip, and a myriad of other nasty things. In fact, we've only gotten better at those things with the passage of time. We learn faster, we communicate faster, we encounter our world as never before, and always, there's a push for more, more, more, more. Even in libraries, the latest push is to join in the "cloud" universe - an oganic, open-concept philosophy that revolves around making everything open to everyone all the time...no limits.
It's that "no limits" thing that got me thinking. Have we surpassed our best age, and become something less than what we once were? Our ingenuity and our uniqueness once stemmed from our inability to communicate ideas and reactions instantaneously. Well, that's gone. I can write this in one part of the world, and as long as I upload it to the internet, anyone worldwide can read it within moments. When I want to find a recipe, I "google it" and find the information I want, and then I can create the same recipe that someone else already created. Oh sure, it's delicious....but what have I invented? More importantly, what have I invested? Only as much time as it takes to find a recipe. Nothing more. Where is my contribution? Is it really to my advantage?
We are caught, once again, in that place, asking the question that has bothered us for so long, illustrated so well by Michael Chrichton so well in "Jurassic Park," You scientists are always so busy trying to figure out what you can do, you never bother to ask whether or not you should.' So I wonder - Should we try and achieve this unique "cloud" formation, which is, by it's definition, unable to be specifically governed, measured, assessed, and practiced with the efficiency we have come to expect form our world? I don't know. It's scary.
BUT, we're seeing this in other places of our world, particularly in the United States. I recently came across a letter written by Mr Ben Stein. Well, it turns out this is rather a hoax - Mr. Stein never really wrote such a letter, though it does appear that he said many of the things the letter contained. Someone did a good job of taking Mr. Stein's thoughts and stringing them together to make a point. The point? That by including more people in our decision-making and policy-making, what we've managed to do is to take a hold of the "least common denominator" and begin to adopt a society that is, in some way, less than what it used to be. This particular "article" voiced specifically the abandoning of the concept of the Christian God in lieu of simply making sure that people are not offended., and looking at other practical examples of where the abandonment of old and accepted ways of function have yeilded less than perfect results. One that was mentioned was Dr. Spock's (the real one, not the Star Trek Character) insistence that spanking is bad for children...then pointing out (factuality questionable) that Spock's son then killed himself. (UPDATE: No, Spock's son is still alive...in fact, both the man's children are, living long and prospering. Yeah, I went there.)
But the article may not be wrong in its goal of raising the question, 'have we gone too far astray from humanity, to the point where we are now limiting us more than we are helping us?'" Our learning rates and test scores are lower then ever in our educational facilities. We are willing to accept less quality from students just so that we can pass more of them. Some people get offended when we say Merry Christmas instead of Happy Holidays. We cannot teach the bible in public school, even though it plays a significant part in European and American History. Someone is offended. A friend of mine, whose opinions I cherish, but happens to believe differently than I, is upset that his tax dollars might go to support a National Christmas Tree - because he is atheist and doesn't believe in Christmas. Now, I would not suggest that my friend doesn't have a small point - he does. But this comes back to the "lowest common denominator" principle I spoke about earlier. If we continue this path in the name of progress, will we end up doing no more than the barest minimum, and therefore create nothing that is worth celebrating anymore? Have we seen the best that Man can do, and are now just living out a substandard decline into non-pertinent existence?
Have we grown to the point where we are so much "on the same page" that there is no one left who can read the writing and be that dissenting voice? More importantly, if we do find that voice....will we listen to it?
Life can be interesting and surprising to me, at times. Recently, I was in a conference for work, where the keynote speaker was talking about the next generation of library infrasrtucture. Naturally, in a topic so dry (unless you're a computer programmer) there was plenty of time to let your thoughts wander. As I looked around and watched the eyes of my compatriots glaze over, I was struck by what the speaker was talking about: cooperative efforts to get us all on the proverbial "same page."
I began to wonder where we are headed. I don't just mean if we're going to heaven or hell or anything like that - no, where is humanity going, as a species? We learn so much differently than we used to. In some ways, we are far more advanced than we used to be, and in others, I wonder if we've come very far at all - or if we have, at what cost has it come?
This is not a new argument. We've been asking it in one form or another since time began. The early scientists - or alchemists, if you prefer - were criticized for witchcraft, or later, devil-worship, and men who saw something different in the world, like Galileo and Copernicus, DaVinci and others, were commonly mocked, maltreated, and otherwise shunned and punished for simply not believing what everyone else believed. They were different. Only years - centuries - later, were they recognized for the gifts of thought they gave the world.
It's this attitude of discovery that has spurred us onward. It was responsible for colonialism (well, ok, the lust for gold MAY have had something to do with that as well) and it's still responsible today for the ever-growing desire to push forward into new and uncharted territory. So, the "what's next?" for man has been the driving desire for a long time. We're used to it. it's comfy. It ought to be - we've had long enough to get used to it.
But what has this done for Man as a whole? We still murder, cheat, lie, steal, gossip, and a myriad of other nasty things. In fact, we've only gotten better at those things with the passage of time. We learn faster, we communicate faster, we encounter our world as never before, and always, there's a push for more, more, more, more. Even in libraries, the latest push is to join in the "cloud" universe - an oganic, open-concept philosophy that revolves around making everything open to everyone all the time...no limits.
It's that "no limits" thing that got me thinking. Have we surpassed our best age, and become something less than what we once were? Our ingenuity and our uniqueness once stemmed from our inability to communicate ideas and reactions instantaneously. Well, that's gone. I can write this in one part of the world, and as long as I upload it to the internet, anyone worldwide can read it within moments. When I want to find a recipe, I "google it" and find the information I want, and then I can create the same recipe that someone else already created. Oh sure, it's delicious....but what have I invented? More importantly, what have I invested? Only as much time as it takes to find a recipe. Nothing more. Where is my contribution? Is it really to my advantage?
We are caught, once again, in that place, asking the question that has bothered us for so long, illustrated so well by Michael Chrichton so well in "Jurassic Park," You scientists are always so busy trying to figure out what you can do, you never bother to ask whether or not you should.' So I wonder - Should we try and achieve this unique "cloud" formation, which is, by it's definition, unable to be specifically governed, measured, assessed, and practiced with the efficiency we have come to expect form our world? I don't know. It's scary.
BUT, we're seeing this in other places of our world, particularly in the United States. I recently came across a letter written by Mr Ben Stein. Well, it turns out this is rather a hoax - Mr. Stein never really wrote such a letter, though it does appear that he said many of the things the letter contained. Someone did a good job of taking Mr. Stein's thoughts and stringing them together to make a point. The point? That by including more people in our decision-making and policy-making, what we've managed to do is to take a hold of the "least common denominator" and begin to adopt a society that is, in some way, less than what it used to be. This particular "article" voiced specifically the abandoning of the concept of the Christian God in lieu of simply making sure that people are not offended., and looking at other practical examples of where the abandonment of old and accepted ways of function have yeilded less than perfect results. One that was mentioned was Dr. Spock's (the real one, not the Star Trek Character) insistence that spanking is bad for children...then pointing out (factuality questionable) that Spock's son then killed himself. (UPDATE: No, Spock's son is still alive...in fact, both the man's children are, living long and prospering. Yeah, I went there.)
But the article may not be wrong in its goal of raising the question, 'have we gone too far astray from humanity, to the point where we are now limiting us more than we are helping us?'" Our learning rates and test scores are lower then ever in our educational facilities. We are willing to accept less quality from students just so that we can pass more of them. Some people get offended when we say Merry Christmas instead of Happy Holidays. We cannot teach the bible in public school, even though it plays a significant part in European and American History. Someone is offended. A friend of mine, whose opinions I cherish, but happens to believe differently than I, is upset that his tax dollars might go to support a National Christmas Tree - because he is atheist and doesn't believe in Christmas. Now, I would not suggest that my friend doesn't have a small point - he does. But this comes back to the "lowest common denominator" principle I spoke about earlier. If we continue this path in the name of progress, will we end up doing no more than the barest minimum, and therefore create nothing that is worth celebrating anymore? Have we seen the best that Man can do, and are now just living out a substandard decline into non-pertinent existence?
Have we grown to the point where we are so much "on the same page" that there is no one left who can read the writing and be that dissenting voice? More importantly, if we do find that voice....will we listen to it?
Friday, November 2, 2012
And now for something completely different...
I recently began to think of movies that I liked, and saw a recurring theme in said movies: Puzzles, adventure, a tiny bit of action (it really doesn't take a lot) intrigue, all rolled into a fictitious story are what I love the most. Then I realized that if you really look back at the best that the movie industry has ever made, the ones that really stand the test of time are the ones that have a lot of these elements in them. Why? It's simple, I think. I think we all want to BE those characters who do this. Sure, it's a form of escapism, but who wouldn't WANT to be Indiana Jones, or Westley from the Princess Bride, or Robin Hood, Captain Blood, etc. - the list is really quite extensive.
It is with this in mind that I have come up with the greatest (impractical) idea ever: I wish to beign a school. A university really, The U.S. Academy of Swashbuckling. It's been far too long since we've had good old swashbuckling adventures, and frankly, I think it might make the world a better place if there was more of it! I think it could be a 4-year degree, and yes, you would come out with a Bachelor's of Science in Swashbuckling. I debated about making this an art, but I think there's really a significant amount of science in it. SO, I began designing courses:
Semester 1:
101 - Swashbuckling in Literature 1(Survey)
102 - Fencing (Physical Education Requirement)
103 - Swashbuckling and Economics
104 - Swashbuckling Rhetoric
105 - The Rogue (Philosophy)
Semester 2:
106 - Swashbuckling in Literature 2(Survey)
107 - Acrobatics (Phys Ed)
108 - Swashbuckling Politics
109 - Gunpowder (Chemistry)
110 - The Pirate (Philosophy)
Semester 3:
Track 1 - For the lawful
201 - Swashbuckling in film
202a - Leadership through Lawful Order
203a - The King's Rule
204 - The physics of cannon
205 - The Lawman
Track 2 - for the unlawful
201 - Swashbuckling in film
202b- Leadership through Fear
203b- The Pirate's Law
204 - The physics of cannon
205 - The Lawman
Semester 4:
Track 1:
206 - Admiralty in Practice
207 - Navigation and Cartography
208a - The Ethics of Man
209a - Sailing
210a - Advanced Fencing
Track 2:
211 - A.V.A.S.T.(Field Experience) Always Vary Amont of Slaves and Thieves
212 - Amputation of Limbs
208b - The Ethics of Rum
209b - Heading That-A-Way
210b - Anything Is A Weapon: The Art of Improvisation.
OK, that rounds out the first two years of the curriculum. Perhaps more to follow, perhaps not. Of course, this will undoubtedly never happen, but it's been a fun time coming up with this stuff.
Thanks for Reading,
The Fat Kid
It is with this in mind that I have come up with the greatest (impractical) idea ever: I wish to beign a school. A university really, The U.S. Academy of Swashbuckling. It's been far too long since we've had good old swashbuckling adventures, and frankly, I think it might make the world a better place if there was more of it! I think it could be a 4-year degree, and yes, you would come out with a Bachelor's of Science in Swashbuckling. I debated about making this an art, but I think there's really a significant amount of science in it. SO, I began designing courses:
Semester 1:
101 - Swashbuckling in Literature 1(Survey)
102 - Fencing (Physical Education Requirement)
103 - Swashbuckling and Economics
104 - Swashbuckling Rhetoric
105 - The Rogue (Philosophy)
Semester 2:
106 - Swashbuckling in Literature 2(Survey)
107 - Acrobatics (Phys Ed)
108 - Swashbuckling Politics
109 - Gunpowder (Chemistry)
110 - The Pirate (Philosophy)
Semester 3:
Track 1 - For the lawful
201 - Swashbuckling in film
202a - Leadership through Lawful Order
203a - The King's Rule
204 - The physics of cannon
205 - The Lawman
Track 2 - for the unlawful
201 - Swashbuckling in film
202b- Leadership through Fear
203b- The Pirate's Law
204 - The physics of cannon
205 - The Lawman
Semester 4:
Track 1:
206 - Admiralty in Practice
207 - Navigation and Cartography
208a - The Ethics of Man
209a - Sailing
210a - Advanced Fencing
Track 2:
211 - A.V.A.S.T.(Field Experience) Always Vary Amont of Slaves and Thieves
212 - Amputation of Limbs
208b - The Ethics of Rum
209b - Heading That-A-Way
210b - Anything Is A Weapon: The Art of Improvisation.
OK, that rounds out the first two years of the curriculum. Perhaps more to follow, perhaps not. Of course, this will undoubtedly never happen, but it's been a fun time coming up with this stuff.
Thanks for Reading,
The Fat Kid
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)