You've done it - now what?

If you are anything like me, life sometimes gets into a series of goals:  You want this unreachable thing, you work, you try hard, you scrimp and save, you make little adjustments here and there...depending, of course, on what each specific goal may be.  And then, after following your plans, after all that effort, you finally reach that goal.  You're ecstatic, you can't believe it, it's amazing, astounding, and just a whole lotta WOW that you never thought could happen.

And then......what comes next?  What do you do?  How do you take all that time and energy and everything else that you've been pouring into this one thing, and channel it all to something else?  Well, for the first time ever, I'm encountering this problem of "now what?" just slightly BEFORE I get to check off that goal.

See - I am about to turn in the Clydesdale Card.  I think I've talked about it before, but for those not in the know - "Clydesdale" is what cyclists understand as a rider of 200 lbs or more.  I won't go into it any more than to say that it's not an insult....most of the time.  But it does mean that with time, attention, modification of the diet, exercise, and good old fashioned hard work, I've lost about 25% of my body weight.  You can say that in becoming 3/4 of the man I used to be, I've actually become quite a lot more.  It's been a long journey to get to this point, so now what??

Most of my health philosophy is centered around one phrase: "Fit, not fat." So, I really don't care, necessarily, if I weigh 200 lbs or 230 - as long as what comprises that weight is the stuff I WANT.  Muscle and other good things are a-ok.  In my current state, I've built a lot of muscle over the years, and lost a lot of fat.  Even with the gains in muscle, I've still dropped 65 lbs.  Yup - that's how bad off I was when I started this journey.  And now that this step is coming to a close, it's time to think about the next thing.

Maintaining the weight, and keeping the focus of "fit, not fat" means getting what I have in better shape, maybe even a bit of bodysculpting, etc.  Let's face it, it would be very nice to be that guy on the beach with the 6-pack abs.  It's not necessary, but I would NOT complain. To that end, I've been increasing my practice of yoga, and it's really helped a lot.  My strength and flexibility have improved, and on the whole, I'm happier and more balanced.  It's to the point now where I notice a lot when I miss my regular practice.  My body physically longs for it.  That's a good thing, and as I develop the strength, flexibility, and balance, I look forward to where it might lead me.

So, NOW WHAT?  I keep on.  As summer winds onward, I look forward to some outside time, some really good vacation time coming up, time in the garden and time in the workshop.  I look forward to the next phase in my journey, and to sharing it with any of you who care to come along for the ride.  It's been pretty fantastic thus far, and the next chapter promises even better things.

Thanks for reading,

Me

Memorial Day Weekend

So, it's been a while since I've posted, and I thought that now is as good a time as any, since the unofficial "beginning of summer" is now upon us.
This weekend, I went and di something I have never done before - hooray for adventures!  I went "bikepacking."  The concept here is simple:  take packpacking and biking and mix them together.  Yup, get on the bike, ride to a campground, stay the night, and ride back the next day.  The trip was simple enough: meet up with a couple friends after work on Friday, head out, and get back on Saturday.  It was roughly a 40-mile trip one way.  Some good miles, and it was all along the GAP trail - that's the Great Allegheny Passage, for those who don't know - so it was pretty much flat the entire way.  Seriously, look this thing up if you haven't already.  It's an old railroad bed that has been converted into a trail for use by hikers, bikers, horses, and the like and goes from Pittsburgh all the way to Washington DC, roughly 300 miles.  Someday, I will do the entire thing...but I digress.

Now, I rarely do distances like that after a day of work.  Usually, I will wake up, have a nice big breakfast, and make sure I am fueled and watered significantly before heading out on such a journey.  But I had to work, so I ate my customary workday foodstuffs.  This was an error, for salad and veggies, while tasty, were not proper fuel for this 40-mile trek.  Also, I did not take care of hydrating myself correctly.  THEN, I strapped 35-40 lbs on my back and took off on this trip.  Simply put, I was stupid.  About halfway there, my back really started to bother me.  That's a lot of extra weight to carry. My pack included: hammock, blanket, dinner for three, small steel mess kit, tarp (it was supposed to rain) a change of clothes, flip flops, bike lock, rope, hatchet, emergency medical stuffs, firestarters, and a few other small camping supplies.  It was a lot to carry on my back.  It was bulky and awkward.  Nevertheless, we began the journey.

The problem was, I was underfed and underhydrated.  By the time we got to the campsite, I was in pretty rough shape.  I needed to eat, but I couldn't, because I felt like I was going to throw up.  I needed water, too, and I started guzzling.  We had to get firewood, which meant foraging in the woods for whatever we could find.  As it seems to be my lot....I found an entire tree of dead wood, and hauled it out of the forest.  My friends were GREAT, in that they really helped me out an were very patient with me.  Eventually, we got the fire starte, heated up the food (thankfully, I pre-cooked it the night before) and I turned in early....Did I mention that I'd been up since 4:30 that morning?  Well, it was a workday, after all.

That was the first time I actually got to sleep in the hammock, and it went fairly well.  I woke up rested, and ravenously hungry.  I'd eaten the night before, but not nearly enough - I simply couldn't force it down.  Camp Coffee to the rescue!!!  It was a great time, and after hydrating really well again, and eating plenty of good morning food, which involved some of the leftovers from the previous night, and plenty of fruits and carbs and things, it was time to make the trek back.  My friends were continuing on a little, but I was a little gunshy about doing such a thing.  I began heading back, and tagged along with a couple of gents who were sight-seeing and going slow.  We chatted for a good bit off the ride.  One guy regularly rode, and was getting his pal into it.  I could totally relate, as his friend looked to be about as heavy as I was when I started this crazy ide of riding a bike a lot.  it was a nice thing, to catch on with these guys, and we made nice conversation for a good part of the trip back.

Eventually, they wanted to stop, and I was very much wanting to get back, so at the halfway point, I stopped and had some lunch and met an elderly couple who was out trying to get some exercise in the hot sunshine.  After a nice chat, I continued on my way, and met with another guy who looked to be having some trouble - his knee was kicking out away from his body as he rode.  I asked him if he was having difficulty, and it turns out he'd had an operation on the knee the previous year.  We struck up conversation, and this....this floored me.  He asked if I raced, and I told him, no, there wasn't much of a call for a 200-lb racer - commonly referred to in the cycling community as "clydesdales."  We're big, we're powerful, but please, don't ask us to go superfast...we're not made for it.  Anyway, this fella looked at me and said, "You don't ride like you're 200 lbs."  Probably the best compliment I have ever gotten on a bike.  For those who know me and know the issues I have had with weight throughout my life, this is kind of a big deal.  It was then that I realized that I wasn't really working too hard to keep up with this guy, and here I was, 202 lbs (yeah, that's my current weight) with another 30 lbs strapped to my back, and this guy is telling me that I don't ride like I'm that heavy.  For a former "Fat Kid," this is a big deal.

The rest off the trip remained uneventful, but wow was I glad when I got home.  A shower and some therapeutic stretching, some good refueling with plenty of anti-inflamatory spices, and I was good to go.  What a trip!!  I can't wait to do it again sometime, either with friends or even just by myself - and now I know just how much I should pack...and eat/hydrate beforehand, if it's after work!!

Not a fantastic tale, to be sure, but it was refreshing on many levels, and I'm glad I did it.  Next time, though, I am packing a lot lighter!!!

Thanks for reading,
Me.

National Poetry Month, V.7.0, Day 30

Well, once again, I have survived the month of April.  Thanks for reading along this year's journey.  I know it's difficult for many people to "get" poetry, so thanks for indulging me!  I hope you've enjoyed this year's offerings as much as I've enjoyed writing them.  Some, I think, were pretty good - and others......well, there's a reason it's difficult to make money writing poems!!!  That has always been true - and it's why I don't quite my day job!  The unique challenge in this yearly endeavor is not just writing something every day for 30 days - it's exploring the many different angles of life - from the mundane to the sublime.  It's exploring the spirit of the writer, and in some small way, communicating that spirit to others through the written word.  Yes, prose can do that, too, but not in quite the same way.  Poetry - unless you're talking the epic stuff like Beowulf, the Iliad, etc - is about taking the reader along for the ride, usually quickly, and bringing them back again, hopefully changed for the better.  Maybe I've managed to do that this year, but whether I have or not, I know it's changed me, and maybe that's the seldom-heard part:  it's the poet who, in trying to change others and say something important, ends up the most changed.  

Today's offering is an homage to my father, who plants his garden every year.  He loves it.  This year, for the first time ever, I am planting my own garden.  It's been a very cathartic experience, and thus far, I've loved it.  Maybe I finally understand this aspect of my father.  It's pretty neat.

So, for this year, once again - 

Thanks for reading,

Me

planting season

i never understood his passion for it,
planning meticulously how many feet
it might take, 
how much to put in the ground.
how far apart each row must be,
knowing just how much space the late-bloomers 
needed, and when, 
so he could remove the early ones before they were overwhelmed.
now, i understand - 
when planting my first garden,
just what it was my father always did
and i took for granted.
my hands remember how,
after many long years of avoiding the work,
they remember how to plant a garden.

National Poetry Month, V. 7.0, Day 29

Sometimes, poems need warning labels.  Today's comes with one, though it's not because it's anything explicit.  The warning is this:  there is more than one way to read a poem, and you should try multiple ways.  I was reminded of this when my guest poet shared another work with me - one that I don't think I should share here because it's not my background to talk about.  I was generally confused, for it came in two parts, looking like two different works.  If I took it as two different works, it became two different ways of dealing with an idea.  If I took it as one work, it was a transition of thought and feeling - through experience - into a vastly different sense of being.  And I didn't know which reading of it to follow.  This is good, because it forced me to ask how it was intended, and got me thinking about it.  So, when today's idea came to me, I realized that here, too, there are multiple way of interpreting my words.  So I encourage any reader to look at this one in multiple ways.

Thanks for reading,

Me

tombs of my fathers

you are resting, at long last,
your journey done,
and all that's left are memories
good and bad.
i needed you, and you were there,
as a father should be for a child,
to nurture and grow and discipline -
to be an example.
and now, 
as i have done many times before,
i lay myself to rest,
another version of me taking up space
in the cemetery of my forbears,
all laid to rest with the same loving care
as a new me takes his rightful place.
i carry the torch, now,
and know that one day this will be my home, too,
as another generation will 
take up this standard.
my son, i lay no burden on you but this:
live with the heart of the fire,
love with the depth of the oceans,
fight with the strength of the mountain,
and speak with the breath of the wind.

National Poetry Month, V. 7.0, Day 28

Wow - it really is day 28 of 30 - the month has flown by, and the ideas are constantly coming at me!  That is, of course, one of the many benefits to doing this yearly exercise:  it stimulates the mind, and challenges me to come up with different ideas - or different ways to express old ideas, for that matter.  One of the most common images/ideas is that of water.  It's a basic human need, and we understand it intrinsically.  Countless poems about waves, storms, ships, calm seas, baptism, washing, floods, etc - forgive the obvious one here - it's like a (wait for it) TORRENTIAL DOWNPOUR!  Yup - we're THAT close to it.  So if we're that close to it....maybe I'll write about it, too!!  That is my offering for today.

BUT WAIT - There's more!!!!!  Guest appearance today!!!  Yup, a reader has submitted some works for your perusal, and I am sharing them here because I like them - and someone took the risk of putting themselves out there to share themselves with me - they deserve to be rewarded.

On behalf of myself and my guest,

Thanks for reading,

Me

to be as water

to be as water -
the gentle rain that seeds the earth,
and the stinging blows of cold spring,
a peaceful glassy surface,
and the wind-ripped waves of the storm,
the life-giving flow of the river,
and the merciless flood as it pours ever downward -
all are within my grasp,
the form i take
is mine to choose,
and each day calls me to make that choice.
i have been them all,
and i know the spring that swells from deep within my soul.
i know my choice.

Uneasy

Ideas flow at midnight

upsetting my tired spirit,

tangling with my prayers,

sparring with each other

like dueling epees.

"En garde" they seem to say,

prepare for battle.

settle this once and for all,

which will be the victor?

Should the muse win over

the sandman?

Maybe tomorrow?

Oh, just get to it and see where it leads....

National Poetry Month, V. 7.0, Day 27

Today's offering is something I've been tossing around for a little while, and has been an integral part of my health and fitness journey.  The idea is simple enough: exploring the connection between the selves:  physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental.  Some might say that's too many selves, but here's my reasoning:  The physical self is easy to understand - the body.  Emotional is pure "feeling," spiritual is that part of us that transcends mere human existence, and mental, is, of course, the logical, practical side of us all.  You can share this concept or not - it really doesn't matter to me - but this is an attempt to begin addressing these inner relationships.  I'm not sure where I will go with this concept - it might be something I take further and do a LOT of work on, and it might be a short-lived project.  I really don't know.  It is still an idea yet in progress.  On my journey, though, I have found these relationships changing significantly, and their interdependence upon one another, a thing of beauty.

Thanks for reading,

Me

less and more

there was more of me,
a long time ago, now.
i saw a picture the other day,
and barely recognized my face,
so young, so troubled,
so full of self-loathing and fears,
round in ways i never liked.

there is less of me, now.
hard work and effort have brought me
back to health,
and though i still carry some of the fears,
and even some of the self-loathing,
though i am less,
i have become more.

National Poetry Month, V. 7.0, Day 26

Today's offering is not something I have experience recently.  In fact, it's only happened a few times that I know of in my life.  Some people are lucky enough to sleep every night all the way through.  I.....will probably never be that person.  I usually wake at least once during the night.  I don't always remember it, or do anything in that moment.  Most nights, it's just turn over and go back to sleep.  But sometimes, there's something there, something in that moment that makes me stop and take stock.  Today I decided to write about that moment.

Thanks for reading,

Me

one small moment

in the pre-dawn hours i awoke,
and all was silent,
the sounds of the city vanished
in the darkness.
i could not tell if it was the first deep breath of morning,
before life began a new day,
or if it was the death-knell marking the end of yesterday.
in that briefest of moments,
only one thing remains certain:
i was there to witness it, 
and i lived fully in that moment,
mourning the loss of one day
and celebrating the beginning of another.