A word or three about Elves...

Elves? Yes, Elves. Now, I'm not going to go into being a purist regarding things of elven nature - whether you see Legolas, Dobby, A Keebler Elf, a north pole Elf, or even Will Farrell when you here the term "Elf," I really don't care. There are a lot of definitions when it comes to elves. Chances are pretty good, though that the origins of elves do not come from a make-believe country of 'Elbania' that is situated in the borderlands between the former Yugoslavia and Greece in the late 1800s-early 1900s.

Huh??? What the hell am I talking about? I'm glad you asked. It has to do with me checking out the "writing gigs" section of Craigslist - freelancing kind of stuff. I came across an ad of a guy who said he wanted to fulfill his life's dream of having his book that he wrote made into a stage play. OK, OK...I probably should have turned away right there, but I do like to give people a chance, and I know a little bit about theatre. It doesn't hurt me to get more information. So I respond to the ad and ask the person for more information - how long is the book, what is it about, etc. I give some of my background in writing and theatre, too. Hey, I've been around a while, I've learned a few things - maybe it's an easy way to make a quick buck or two for me.

The response I get: It seems the book is a sociopolitical economic allegory of today's times and problems, set against the background of....(wait for it)....the origin of Santa's elves. You were wondering where the elves came in, I know. The guy sends me a pdf of the work. It's 226 pages long. Wait. Stop. The guy who responds is not the author. Hmm that advertisement said, "It's my dream to see one of my books turned into a play and performed locally at a play house!" It seems this guy is an "e-publisher," and he's either taking personal ownership of something that's not his, or he's just that bad at representing his client. More on this later.

I read the first chapter. I began thinking of children's theatre. Why? Umm, this is about Santa Claus and his elves. What else would I really be thinking of? I send him my thoughts, telling him what I'm thinking thus far. It's just an assessment, after all. I've not put pen to paper, nor will I until we have a contract or I've got cash in hand. The response I get is that the author was really hoping that a play from the book would be geared towards teens and adults. I should point out at this time that the publisher is simply in awe of this author, who has a Harvard degree (this gets pointed out to me later on as well).

Wait. He wants to make this book into a play geared for adults and teens, and it's about Santa's elves?? I begin to sense the amount of gymnastics this will require in order to create a successful script. It's a lot. I'm having doubts that it can even be done. I read on - it's only one chapter. I should have stopped there.

After a few more chapters, I realize a few things. 1) this has too many problems to become a serious play. 2) If this author takes himself seriously, my opinion of a Harvard education just went down a lot. 3) This makes Scooby-Doo look like academic literature. I somehow stomach through 10 chapters. I can take no more. I have an option here, and perhaps the best thing would have been to just disappear quietly into the ether, but no, there's a man out there marketing a book that, for lack of a better term, sucks. There are grammatical errors, inconsistencies galore, and so many other problems with it that it's hard to even pick a place to begin. But I like to be a nice guy, and I like to support other authors, so, I take the second option: explain what I didn't like about it, and offer to assist the author in beginning a diologue to fix the issues. It becomes a lengthy message.

No one likes to hear criticisms, and I understand this. All of my communication has been with the e-publisher, not the author - I asked the publisher to forward my commetns on to the author. I don't think that's happened, and at this point, I don't care. It's the response I got from the publisher that simply amazes me. The man was dumbfounded that I found all of these errors, citing that: IT WAS A CHILDREN'S BOOK. Well, that certainly explains a lot about the writing, but hold the damned phone for one second:

1) sociopolitical economic allegories do NOT belong in Children's Lit.
2) If it's a kid's book, why does the author want to market a play to teens and adults?????

I politely send him an e-mail, stating that I gave him what was requested of me, and letting him know that what he did was actually misrepresenting his client, and I am glad I declined the opportunity to work for a man who blames other for his misrepresentations. I also asked him politely not to contact me again.

The dude had to go and respond...some silly lengthy letter that I promptly just put in the trash and deleted. I don't need to waste any more of my time on him, his company, or this completely silly work.

But it begs the question: "Is e-publishing really beneficial to us?" Here's a case of a guy - supposedly intelligent - who believes he has an axe to grind, and wrote this tale for his kids, hoping it can become a Christmas Classic (various other points that should have been brought forth in the beginning, but were ignored by the publisher). Yes, you heard me right - he wants to enter the pantheon of Seuss, Schultz, and Dickens when it comes to holiday literature. Because of the "be published NOW" philosophy of e-publishing, he's out there now, selling books (according to the publisher, over 6,000 copies, and 6,000 people CAN'T possibly be wrong. Never mind that "copies sold" doesn't mean "copies cherished.") Have we gone too far, to where all that matters anymore is the number of copies we sell, not the quality of the work we do?

With so many others taking this same route to self-publishing/ e-publishing, the market is being overrun by people who won't/ can't take criticism and think that just because it's been published means that it's automatically great. Some, of course, ARE actually quite good. There are a lot more people who know what they're doing than ever before. Unfortunately, there are a lot more who believe that because they have an idea, it's automatically perfect, simply because they had it. Let's face it, kids - not all ideas are good ideas. It's not the person having the idea that makes it a good or bad idea. The thought must stand on its own. We're missing that crucial step.

Thanks for reading,

The Fat Kid

Happy New Year!!!!!

Well, so it's happened again. The holidays are over, and it's time to get back to work tomorrow. And so, it's time to look at the overcrowded gyms, the subscriptions to weight watchers, and the various many forms of New Year's Resolutions that we all make. Yes, even me, too.

Last year, I think I remember talking about why we make these resolutions - and it came down to a simple word: hope. We hope for something better. Anything better. That still holds. If we don't hope for more, then we can never achieve it. If we think we've already reached the pinnacle, then we cannot be any better than we already are. Most important is the ability to envision our lives as better than they currently are. We have to envision ourselves as better, or we cannot attain it.

So this year, my wish for all of you is an old slogan, made popular by the advertising geniuses at Nike. Just do it. I know it sounds trite, cliche, and pretty weak on the whole, but it's not. It's actually one of the truest things I've come to learn in recent years. It means that it's time to put away the excuses. Stop finding someone or something to blame. It means being responsible for yourself. It means finding a reason to press on instead of finding a reason to quit.

So pick your goals. Make them important and attainable. Don't try to lose 100 lbs, try to lose 20. If you make the goal, set a higher one. But whatever you do, don't stop. JUST DO IT. Sometimes we get beaten - it happens, and it's not our fault - unless we beat ourselves.

So what are my goals? What will I do differently this year? How will I be more? There are a lot of areas in my life that I want to improve.

1) Fitness. Last year, I wanted to learn how to ride hills, finally. Well, I did it. I mean, ok, I still suck at them, but I did learn how to ride hills. This year, the goal is pretty easy: The Century Ride. Nope, I've never done one, and this year, I want to get in the 100-mile day on the bike. It seems like a small goal, perhaps, to some, but to me, it's large enoughand still attainable. To help, I'm doing the MS 150 again (June 9-10). So hey, more about it in a later post, but if you wanna sponsor my ride, the folks at the National MS Society would appreciate it.

2)Workshop. I was able to turn out some nice stuff this year, and it was pretty good. Worth noting. But this next year, I'd like to work on turning out some more stuff. Plans are in the works already for a few objects - we'll see how it goes. If it's according to plan, then this, too, shall be met.

3) I drink too much. Well, I drink too much of the wrong stuff. Too much caffeine, and yeah, too much alcohol. That needs to be cut back severely. Hello, H2O, my new friend.

So, there are a few of my goals. There are more, of a more personal nature, but hey, three pretty big areas are a good place to start. I hope and pray that anyone reading sets their own goals, and that you remember to Just do it. Focus, be strong. Whether your goal is your relationship, your career, your home - whatever - don't get beaten by it. Take charge and take it head-on.

Thanks for reading,

The Fat Kid