There are as many way to view this world as there are people in it. This, I think, is a pretty understandable thought, against which there are few arguments - though I'm sure there will be someone who claims it's false. More power to ya. But I am interested in one particular viewpoint at this very minute, and it has to do with the Lunar Cycles.
The theory, as I understand it, is that the New Moon is a time for manifesting, praying, and focusing on getting our energies focused outwardly, towards attaining goals and meeting needs. Consequently, the Full Moon is a time for receiving, for thanksgiving, for focusing inward on gratitude, and getting rid of those thing which no longer serve us. This past weekend, we were in a Full Moon phase, and I realized that have something I need to let go of: hate and anger of The Fat Kid.
I understand now that "owning" the Fat Kid persona was necessary for me - I had to accept myself as I was, in order to understand the things that needed to be changed, and then make those changes appropriately. But as much as I owned that persona, I hated it, too. Finally coming to the realization that I no longer needed that persona, I can look back and see what it really was: a way to wrap myself in a cocoon of an image that would enable me to take many small risks without there being any danger. There's really no fun in that - risk without, well, risk. It's rather like a non-fat cheesecake - no matter how much it tastes like the real thing, you know it's NOT the real thing. It was when I understood that I would have to actually take real risks, and when I was ready to step outside the persona that I became guilty of hating the Fat Kid. He was something to abolish, to be rid of, to destroy. And that was wrong.
I am thankful for him. He was a safe haven when I needed it. He was a companion, of sorts. He was necessary for my personal growth, both mentally and physically. While I've let go of that persona, I still harbored hate, anger, and probably even some fear that I would become him again. OK, definitely some fear. But hate, anger, and fear do not serve me - particularly when it comes to the Fat Kid. Hating what I was means nothing. I'm not there anymore. Fearing going back there means that I'm not letting it go and moving forward, I'm being held back. It doesn't serve me anymore. Anger at it is pointless - because the Fat Kid wasn't wrong...he just was. And I'm grateful that he was there. I'm thankful for the protection he provided me. And I'm thankfully letting go of all those notions regarding him that no longer serve me. I don't need them, in the same way that I no longer need him. I can't make space for the new stuff without getting rid of the old stuff - and it's time to usher in acceptance, understanding, and peace.
Thanks for reading,
Me
