I will admit it - I am having an affair, and have completely fallen in love with someone new, whom I only recently met: For those who just spit their coffee all over their keyboards, I apologize, because the person I'm in love with...is me.
How can this be? Don't be silly, you've known yourself for a long time!
Yes...and no. Yes, I've known who I am for what seems like a very long time now, but the funny thing about it is that who I am is changing, constantly. Growing, evolving, becoming more, and becoming greater than I already am has become something I have gotten very comfortable with - and it's something I neglected to do for myself for a very long while.
I did what a lot of us do: we come up with a definition for something, and the definition works great for who we are in that moment. So, we stick with that definition. We cling to it. We hold on so tightly to it that sometimes, we begin to fear letting go of it, citing that it is so very crucial a part of who we are. Really, it's not. It represents only who were were in the moment we accepted that definition. It's a snapshot. A statistic. It's no less valuable to us as individuals, and it's no less viable a truth - it's just not necessarily the whole truth.
I labored under many such definitions of myself, of others, and of many parts of my life for a very long time. I defined myself within a specific set of parameters - boundaries that no longer reflect who I am or who I want to be. Breaking away from those parameters has been, as anyone who reads this knows, a challenge for me, and I am slowly succeeding. It has been a long process for me, even though I know it must feel rather sudden to some people.
But there are a few things lately that I have taken more to heart:
If you want to-
be accepted, you need to be accepting.
be loved, you need to love.
be cherished, you need to cherish others.
be beautiful, you need to find beauty everywhere.
be alive, you need to help others live as well.
be trusted, you need to trust others.
be better, you need to see better things as possible.
be understood, you need to be understanding.
be greater, you need to acknowledge that there is something greater than you to aspire to.
It's an idea that has been stirring in my mind for a long time now, and it's something that, while it's simple, and makes sense to read, we often forget to do. We forget because we're so convinced that the definition we accepted in those moments work forever, we overlook that they often don't allow us to practice acceptance, understanding, love, trust, compassion, mercy, faithfulness, and a host of other qualities we often define as "good."
I know - I know! Some folks will read this and say, "But it IS true, and there's nothing wrong with my definition of (insert topic here)!" You're right - there is nothing wrong with it...as long as it's authentic. Some definitions will never change, because some thinking will never change, and that's ok, too. I'm not out to ridicule anyone's thoughts - I'm pointing out why my own growth has been difficult. So, relax. Be you. We're cool, you and I. No worries.
SO, in redefining myself (back to the point), I've discovered something that I never really saw before: I am pretty damned awesome. No, scratch that. I'm amazing. Taking into account all I am, and all that I have been, and looking toward a future where I see what can be, I've discovered that am in love with me. And, I couldn't be happier.
Thanks for reading,
Me
