I read something from a friend of mine the other day. In it, they ask what is wrong with them for being unable to feel the joy in Christmas this year. It's had me thinking for a while, mainly about two things:
1) why do we have difficulty in finding joy, at times?
and
2) Why do we assume that if we cannot find that joy - particularly at the holidays - that there is something wrong with us?
I can't answer the first question succinctly - there are simply too many variables to offer a one-size-fits-all answer. We're all that unique. But the second question....that, I may have a handle on.
It occurs to me that we are always striving, particularly at this time of year, to attain the magic and wonder that we had as children. And some years are easy for us to do so - maybe those are the years that have been super-good to us, births, weddings, end-of year bonuses and the like - all good things that seem to come in succession. You're already in a state of wonder - like a child - and so attaining that joy and wonder during the holidays is simple. On those other years - the ones where we get hit hard by life - funerals, divorces, loss of jobs, etc - all those things that take an emotional toll on us and break us down - it's really hard to find the energy that it takes to experience the joy and wonder at the holidays. There are even those blah years where it seems like we're struggling at times, but making slow, steady, progress....or just holding our own. Those can wear on us, too.
BUT - we want to experience that joy. We WANT to be happy and gleeful. Our culture, at the moment, is designed around this. No one wishes us, "mediocre holidays" or "survivable Christmas" - no, we wish "merry" and "Happy" - and when we don't actually feel these things inside, it feels somehow, "wrong" and like it's us who are broken.
We aren't. There's nothing wrong. In fact, it's perfectly normal. iI day-to-day can yield good and bad, and year-to-year can do the same, why should the holidays be always "magical"? That makes no sense. Oh, wishing the best, and hoping for the magical for everyone is great - and we should continue to do it - but to expect that it should be magical all the time....probably a bit unrealistic. It's easy when we're children, of course. It was done for us, and now we have to do for ourselves. But as we grow and change and we develop different needs, what it takes to impress us and to get us to that joy must also change. The same songs might not do it - or maybe they hold rough memories. The same traditions might no longer hold the magic either....we have to develop a few new ones.
And that's all ok. Sometimes, change is good and healthy. Maybe incorporating one thing new will offer up that bit of magic. Maybe it's just doing something out of your norm - for the sake of doing something nice for someone. Practicing a little extra kindness to that person who maybe you don't care for, for example, might go far. Maybe - and for those who read me with the regularity with which I do/do not post, this should come as no surprise - maybe going to a church service, or Hannukkah service, or anything at all, might just do the job. Taking a moment to pray. Any number of things might work. Try it.
And you may be so exhausted that even finding the energy to do that new thing is difficult. Maybe cutting out some of the pomp and "stuff" from the holidays is an answer. You might just need to retreat for a little while, and take stock. There is no shame in that. In fact, I am a little envious - I love a very simple Christmas. Some of the best in my life have been the simple ones.
I don't know what's going to bring the magic back for you, my friend, and give you all those feelings of wonder and excitement that make you feel "Christmassy". But I do know this: There's nothing wrong with you. You are not broken. You are simply, "human."
We have countless tales of redemption on Christmas Eve - from Scrooge's redemption of his soul to the latest Hallmark Channel's chintzy plot "twists" - where a holiday can be saved from despair, and magic can be found. May it be so with your holidays, my friend.
And for anyone else reading, may you know peace. Peace of mind and peace of heart. May you be able to find a little bit of magic, too. And no matter your faith background - or even a lack thereof, if that's your thing - may you know the joy of family, friends, and friends who are more like family.
Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a good night.
Thanks for reading,
Me
