Cycling vs. Grappling

OK, so the Fat Kid's roommate - one Colonel Carnivore by name - is "That Cool Guy who knows all kinds of random things." This is not to be mistaken with "That Guy" - no, this is entirely different. The TCG is the person everyone knows who inexplicably has incredible experiential knowledge of a vast many topics. He also does some pretty neat things - like invite me to "Grapple Pitt."

Yes, it's what it sounds like - a bunch of supposedly grown adults rolling around and wrestling, kicking, punching, blocking, and all kinds of martial artsy sorts of things...for fun. Now, before we begin discussing this in earnest, here's my background on hand-to-hand combat/martial arts: I have an older brother. Yep - some background, eh? We haven't had any semblance of real "combat" in close to 20 years, since he figured out that I was heavier and a little more muscled than he was. So I go to this event, half fearing for my life.

It takes only watching a couple of rounds before being told that it is my turn to grapple. I hesitantly take the mat, and my opponent greets me with, "So what is your style/method?" The answer, supplied by Colonel Carnivore is "He's a graduate of Older Brother Survival Academy." The other term to apply to this is simply, "Scrapper," and the official method is something like "don't get your head kicked in." The unofficial method is more like, "Yikes! I'm being attacked!" As it so happens, this is a good attitude for scrappers, as it tends to give us a complete disregard for personal safety and a strong desire to make sure the other person can't do anything else to us.

I got the luck of the draw for the first couple of matches - and I ended up with opponants who weighed far less than myself. If there's one thing the Fat Kid knows how to do, it's use that weight to his advantage. It also helps that I have no problems giving an opponent a shoulder of mine if it means I can get their legs. If your opponent cannot stand, they cannot fight as effectively - this is a decent strategy. At last though, it was time to take on Colonel Carnivore. Remember how he's the TCG? Well, he wrestled in high school. I did not. He's practiced martial arts. I have not. He outweighs me. I'm in trouble. He's also shorter than me, denying me leverage. Ohhhhhh shit. I hope I can survive. Of the two minute round, I think I lasted about one minute, thirty seconds before I was in a choke hold that would have seen me pass out had I not "tapped out."

There were a few other matches that saw me lose: another go-round with the Colonel and another guy whom I will dub, "The Hippie." Never trust the ganja - I'm just sayin'. Although - I had a much better shot at the Hippie than I did with the Colonel. In all, about a 50/50 win/loss performance, and that, for not having done anything like this in about 20 years, isn't that bad. Favorite comments: One opponent hit me with a pretty wild haymaker that landed across my back and said, "OW! It's not supposed to hurt ME!" The same opponent, upon being smushed under my weight said, "But you....don't look that heavy!" The Hippie grabbed my forearm to ty and toss me, and I just flexxed it - to which he uttered, "Well, THAT'S not gonna work." The Hippie also said, "You are uncommonly balanced."

To my credit: every single opponent went down...even the Colonel (although he gladly gave up the position to get a choke hold on me). Oh, and this was after having ridden my 30 miles that day.

Lessons learned:
1) Cyclists don't use THOSE muscles often.
2) I never once threw a punch or kick, and I did OK.
3) it took so long for recovery that I don't think I'll be doing this again during cycling season, although I may join just for lessons.
4) I think I just found my off-season training program!!
5) I am uncommonly balanced.

Oh, and look!!! Twelve days until it's poetry time, and I've not yet had a request for anything, not even a topic??? *sigh*

Thanks for reading!

The Fat Kid