Yesterday's Mail

There's nothing quite like getting home from work and checking the mail to see what awesomeness the post office brought you today.  Well, I canme home from work, and opened the envelope that was in the mail, and was completely baffled at the following words:

"We've noticed that you have yet to register with us..."  Yadda, yadda, yadda.  Now, OK, it's obviously a sales technique, and I'm ok with that.  I mean, I'm GLAD they're paying attention to the fact that I've not registered with them, that's all well and good.  It makes me wonder, though, at the records-keeping/getting that this company uses, and just how it is they've managed to get my name.  Oh, I'm sure there's a list out there somewhere that gets sold around and around, and my name's on it.  That's great - but generally speaking, if I want a product, I'll look into purchasing said product and then take care of such things on my own.  I don't really want people mailing me to tell me what I already know I haven't done, or worse, that I haven't purchased something I already know I don't really want to purchase.

But that's where this turns a little funny.  See, the people telling me that I've not registered with them?  AARP!  Yes, the American Association of Retired Persons is very aware that I am not one of them!  I am SO glad they've figured this out!  Now, maybe - just maybe - this would be forgiveable if I was of the age where a membership in the AARP would be useful.  I mean, if I was 55 and could actually GET benefits through the AARP, ok, I might be interested in buying....but they're juuuuuuuust a few years early on this - like 20 or so years.  Really, AARP?  I don't know how much you spent on this mailing and free offer of whatever sort (honestly, I stopped reading after about two sentences) but I'm pretty sure that it was some retiree's cash that helped pay for it.  If you're going to spend someone else's money on stuff like this, shouldn't you at least do a better job of finding people who actually qualify for the product you're selling?

I was briefly tempted to send them back a letter that read something like this:

"Dear AARP -
     Thank you so much for your invitation to join your fraternity - I didn't even know you were considering me!  I am truly honored to be given the chance to wear your letters, and can't wait to begin receiving the benefits of membership immediately upon paying my dues.  Obviously, since you contacted me, you understand the benefits I can bring to your organization, and therefore, I feel I should be rightly compensated immediately upon my acceptance of your gracious invite.  Among the many things I can't wait to participate in:
Senior Day at Denny's
discounts on travel
no more paying income taxes
knowing the greeters at Wal-Mart by name
no more commuting
There are really so many, I just don't know if I can count them all.  And, I get admitted early to your fraternity - you must really think me extra-special.  Thank you!  I really look forward to the Saturday night keggers!
Regards,
The Fat Kid
P.S. - I just filled out my retirement papers from work!!!"

I wonder what they would say?  Moreover, I wonder how many people my age would send this back in and attempt to scam the system - it IS awfully tempting, after all.  Of course, my better nature prevailed this time, and I didn't send it back, nor did I write such a letter.  I will probably look them up online and tell them what a bunch of crack-pot researchers they have, to get my name on their list.  Really, it shouldn't be that hard to figure out that I don't really fit in with the retired persons crowd.

But in case I didn't feel old, yesterday, while running through the rain attempting to dodge the raindrops, I pulled that little tiny muscle in the back of the calf that basically means I won't be able to push off the ground with my toes for two weeks.  Maybe I ought to re-think that application after all!

Thanks for reading,

The Fat Kid